Monday, March 12, 2007

Ya done good George

Sweet Jesus, Lord in Heaven. I love you George W. Bush.

All is forgiven.

On Sunday at 2 a.m. I -- and I imagine I am speaking on behalf of 99.9% of the nation when I say this -- instantaneously forgave you (for being president), Dick (for being such a poor shot), Condoleezza (for the gap in her teeth), good old Rumsy (for that one Iraq press conference about the armor), Barry Bonds (for his growing head), Paris Hilton (for being alive) and Michael Jackson (for...), well damn, if I am going that far, I'll even throw in the Grinch.

Whos and humans alike forgive this entire administration for the incredible, Godforsaken, sticky, smelly, oily, snotty, bloody, enormous, 6-and-a-half-year-long catastrofuck (sorry to plagiarize Jon Stewart but I only have so much material) that has been known as your presidency.

At precisely 2 a.m. Sunday morning, as I rode the subway home from the lower east side, watching one bum scorn another bum for "actin' like he ain't got no sense" by sleeping on the train floor, I forgave it all.

My upstairs neighbors here in Hell's Kitchen will sure as hell -- you see how I did that? -- second the motion.

You, sir, expanded daylight savings time.

(I'll pause for the standing ovation here)

Despite merely reinstating the previous dates for an institution thought up by some aristocratic golfers and a fat guy flying a kite, I still wanted you to be on TV at that exact moment, just so we could all see that shit-eating grin curl across your face, right then and there.

You extended the sunlight in my day by an entire hour for an additional month of the year. Some presidents give us a budget surplus, peace treaties and jobs, but you, Mr. President, you showed us the light. Literally.

I knew you could pull it off. I have been rooting for you guys to produce just one single piece of legislation and pull back the clouds, just for a little while, on what many otherwise would have considered the Dark Ages of the 21st Century.

It was certainly worth the wait. You did not disappoint. Mission finally accomplished.

So, as I walk home from work at 6 p.m. basking in that oh-so-sweet sunlight all the while from now until November, I can finally tell myself that the sky over Washington is now only figuratively dark.

1 comment:

elgirl said...

good ole' DST - you gotta love it. although i think they should figure out a way to give me one more hour of daylight AND give me an extra hour that sunday - that's my favorite part of "Fall Back".